A depraved old Jew from Estretto
Buggered every young man in the ghetto.
He once had his hose in
A musician, composing,
Who said: “Not so slow—allegretto!”
(Yeah, I know it’s nasty…)
A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time
and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen
lesson & music books.
Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. “Oh darling” he gushed, “Come here… let me look
at you… let me hold you ! Let’s have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I’ve missed your lovin’ so much !”
The wife, keeping her distance, said, “All in good time lover. First, let’s hear you play that harmonica.”
My high school friend, Janet, and I roomed together at
college. We started in the summer as soon as we left
high school.
She met her husband Leo there in the Fall; he was a
Junior and we were 18-year-old innocents. They married
on New Year’s Eve so they could have a few days off
together from work and school.
New Year’s Day afternoon I got a call from her to come
over quick; they had the flu so bad they couldn’t
get up and were too bashful to call anyone else to help.
For a day or two I repeatedly washed and dryed their
sheets and jammies and heated up soup and brought them
juice and kleenex. While they slept I read a book.
It’s really funny now, but it wasn’t then.
Two weeks later I met Dale. On the 3rd of July, Janet
was maid of honor at our wedding.
So what I knew about honeymoons was that you eat soup
and cough and sleep and read a book and take your
jammies off and on a lot, and sweat and moan and
somebody gets a headache and you wash and dry the sheets
a lot and eventually you run out of juice.
Ours was kind of like that, too.
ha ha ha ha ha.
p.s. Happy 50th Birthday, Janet! We just sent this
email all over the internet!
Love you both!
Anne and Dale in Orlando
Sent by Anne
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife asked the man, “Do you live here?”
“No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!” he answered.
The husband asked, “Are you a genie?”
“Oh, why, yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself,” the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded his head and said, “Done!”
The genie now said, “For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire.”
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, “How long have you been married?”
To which she responded, “Three years.”
The genie then asked, “How old is your husband?”
To which she replied, “31 years old.”
The genie then asked, “And how long has he believed in this genie crap?”