Ok, I gotta admit - I’ve never heard of Captain Falcon until today. Apparently he’s a mysterious F-Zero racer who made a comeback in Super Smash Bros. A recent comment posted by “Bob” in the Chuck Norris Facts post (which by the way has 272 comments… yikes) peaked my interest so, in respect to Jack Bauer and Mr. T (and thanks to Bob) we know have Captain Falcon Facts. Or C. Falcon, or Capt. Falcon, or whatever you want to call him.
This joke was started because Captain Falcon allowed it.
Captain Falcon and Chuck Norris are not one in the same, for in fact Chuck Norris is one of Captain Falcon’s offspring, the other one being Mr. T. He refers to them as Susan and Nancy respectively.
Sonic travels at the speed of sound. Captain Falcon travels at the speed of awesome.
Anything you can do, Captain Falcon can do without limbs.
The last person to have ever said anything bad about Captain Falcon never existed.
Captain Falcon can beat any video game without the game disc, or system.
There once was a new street it was named Captain Falcon dr. Every one who crossed it died. Why? No one crosses Captain Falcon.
Captain Falcon is never late if he is time better slow the @#$& down.
Captain Falcon doesnt wait for time time waits for Captain Falcon.
Jesus walked on water. Captain Falcon swims through land.
Captain Falcon appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a Falcon Punch. When asked bout this “glitch,” Captain Falcon replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Since the year Captain Falcon was born, Falcon Punch related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Captain Falcon.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Captain Falcon.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Captain Falcon.
God offered Captain Falcon the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength Falcon Punch ability.
Captain Falcon’s “Falcon Punch” is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
If you want a list of Captain Falcon’s enemies, just check the extinct species list.
During a Falcon Punch, the potential energy between his fist and your face is infinity.
Captain Falcon once beat some one to death using only a piece of wet tissue paper, for fun.
Players in Smash get 1-hit KO’d by touching the Ultimate Chimera. The Ultimate Chimera gets 1-hit KO’d by touching Captain Falcon.
After much debate, president Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than sending Captain Falcon. His reasoning: “its more humane”.
Captain Falcon doesn’t grow hair on his testicles as hair doesn’t grow on steel.
Chuck Norris can throw an iron beam 300 feet in air. Captain Falcon can throw an iron beam 300 feet in the air and catch it with his teeth.
Captain Falcon is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head.
Ghosts only exist because death cannot process how fast Captain Falcon kills people.
Captain Falcon is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Captain Falcon is like a period; he’s the end to everything.
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, sits down and orders a drink. Shortly after, the monkey starts jumping all over the place and acting crazy. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them… grabs some sliced limes and eats them… then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” “No, what?” says the guy. “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he eats everything in sight. Quite an appetite. I’ll pay for the cue ball and other things he ate.” He the finishes his drink, pays the bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s back at the same bar again, monkey by his side as usual. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did?” “What this time?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures it first!”
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There was a Young Lady, whose chin
Resembled a point of a pin;
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased the harp.
And played several tunes with her chin
A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a
park.
The witness: They were fucking your honor
The judge: Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:
The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear
Until tiny sounds came to my ear
There was this couple on the ground there
and his balls were dangling in the air
and you know his what was in her you know where
If that wasn’t fucking your Honor I wasn’t there
The Stanford Law Review runs the following quote on their masthead:
“For every thousand people hacking at the leaves of evil there is
one chopping at the roots.”
-H.D. Thoreau
On their April Fools issue they ran the following:
“For every person hacking at the leaves of evil there
are a thousand smoking the stuff.