Archive for March, 2008
An elderly couple had been dating each other for 30 years and, at the urging of their friends and family, the finally decided it was time to get married. But first, they agreed they should work out the details of how their marriage was going to be, as to avoid any let downs or misunderstandings.
So the older couple went out to a nice dinner and had a long conversation about how their marriage is going to work. They discussed living arrangements, finances and other important stuff. Finally, the older gentleman decided it was time to bring up the subject of their physical relationship.
“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly yet intrigued.
“Well,” she said, trying to choose her words carefully, “I’d have to say… I would like it infrequently.”
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked… “Is that one word or two?”
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Two hungry cannibals are walking through the woods and find a man who recently died. Seizing the opportunity, one cannibal says to the other, “Check this out! You start at the feet and I’ll start at the head and we’ll meet in the middle!”
So the two cannibals start eating. After about 15 minutes one of them stops eating, looks up, and says, “I don’t know about you, but this is great! How you doing?”
The other cannibal answers, “This is great! I’m havin’ a ball!”
The first cannibal replies “Hey, no fair! You’re eating too fast!”
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A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks “How’d you end up with a peg-leg?”
“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate. “and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!”
“Holy cow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”
“Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!”
“Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”
“A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.
“Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, admonished.
Embarassed, the pirate answered “It was me first day with the hook.”
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BURN, SUBURBS, BURN
Burn rubber baby suburb baby, burn!
The gluttonous gluteus maximus
No new tax for us
Deep fat fry, suburb blubber baby-butt, cry
Whip the whimp, the baby-boomer gloom-and-doomer
Baby bought the fiscal fiasco
Baby brought the strategy tragedy
So sue God for the Damnages
WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
At 17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17