There was a young couple named Kelly
Who had to live belly to belly,
Because once, in their haste,
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is
using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he
finally says “OK,, just grip it like you do your husband’s member”.
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the
line. The instructor says, “Wow that’s great. Now just try taking the
racquet out of your mouth.”

The respiratory disease SARS has killed 30 people in Hong Kong and
infected over 1,000. Consequently, the Hong Kong Tourism Board has
dropped its new advertising slogan: “Hong Kong will take your breath
away!” and replaced it with “There’s no place like Hong Kong.”

ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change “The Lord's Prayer” from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken.” The Pope refused his offer.

Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken” and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, “I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''