“Late again!!” the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Sammy.
“It ain’t my fault this time, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this ‘un on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”
Now, Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd
years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Sammy what he
meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told
her the truth.
“You see, Miss Crabtree, out at the ranch we got this here low down
coyote. The last few nights, he done ate six hens and killed Ma’s
best milk goat. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the
chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to my Ma, “That
coyote’s back again, I’m a gonna git him!”
“Stay back,” Daddy whispered to all us kids.
My Daddy was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt.
To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then,
he stuck that double barreled 12 gauge shot gun through the window
of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyote on his mind,
our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy.
Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and
stuck his cold nose in my Daddy’s crack. Miss Crabtree, we all been
cleanin’ chickens since three o’clock this morning.’

This was seen on the way to work.

Oh I’d hate to see that on my way to work

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me
life between the legs of me wife!’

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, ‘I won the prize for the Best toast
of the night’ She said, ‘Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?’ John
said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me
wife.’

‘Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!’ Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street
corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, ‘John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.’

She said, ‘Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,
he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and
the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.’

Airport Security: What’s your Name.
Passenger: Batman

Airport Security: Your real name please
Passenger: My name is Bat-Man

Airport Security: Are you trying to be funny ? What is your family name?
Passenger: Superman

Airport Security handcuffs him & puts him into a locked security room -
Then they checked his passport…

It was first reported that Michael Jackson died from a massive heart attack, it has been confirmed this is a lie, he actually faked a heart attack so that the ambulance would take him to the hospital.

TRUTH
He actually died of shock when he found out there was no children’s ward at the hospital.